is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
