Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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