would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
