I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Someone signed my nipple.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
