I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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