My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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