I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
