i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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