He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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