I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
