I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
