with your own penis?
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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