so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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