What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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