I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
