dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
