I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So vagazzling was a success
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
