What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
