i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
But theres a keg here and me gusta
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
