The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You are the jesus of drinking
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
