Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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