six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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