He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
