i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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