Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Who died my cat blue again?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
