I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
