MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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