I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
