I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
