I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I need a beard to bite.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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