Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
