i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
