thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
