to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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