You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
