38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
