Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
