He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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