just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
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