sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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