I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
