didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
