he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dick very happy bro
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
