Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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