It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
In America we eat man semen.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
