bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I wear drunk well.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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