My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
