i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You ruined the universe
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
