Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
