Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
