Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
