My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
