the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We have so much sex to catch up on
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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