My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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