There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Drake has all the answers
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
