I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Damn victory sex feels great
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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