I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
