That's when you crack a 10am beer
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
