so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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