i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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