chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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