I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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