How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
