I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
