sarcasm needs its own font
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
