in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
