I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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