First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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