Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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