I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
