Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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