I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize