I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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