Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
