Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
