I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
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The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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