just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
